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Last night, I celebrated my first Mother’s Day with my little family of three. It was the plan to make it the culminating meal of this wheat bender I’ve been on about. Instead, I ended up with a breadless pile of crustaceans to crack through, totally wasting the opportunity while eating one of the best meals I’ve had in quite a while.

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Later that night, I ate the last of the pizza, unenthusiastically, and today I sit before you – wheat free. Easy? So far, yes.

This morning, I had a couple of prunes, and I made some impromptu crustless quiches with fresh spinach leaves. My husband loved them and seems rather content walking around the house, munching on a couple pieces of dark chocolate and eating his prescribed serving size of plain Greek yogurt. So far, so good?

I do feel funny. I ate the quiche right out of the oven so it was a bit hot, and now I have a weird burning feeling running from my throat to my stomach. Acid reflux and heartburn are definitely NOT on my non-pregnant list of ailments, so I’m wondering if I just burned the crap out of myself, or if these are the beginning throes of wheat withdrawal.

I just got to the page in Wheat Belly where he says, “Trust me, it’s worth it. If you’ve gotten this far, I assume that you are at least contemplating a divorce from this unfaithful and abusive partner.” Hey, that’s my angle, man! But I suppose that’s the whole point here, right? Wheat’s done me wrong, and now he’s gone, gone, gone…

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We picked up half a dozen donuts to eat after our bbq sandwiches last night.  We ate the last of them this morning. This wheat bender is starting to look like a campaign for membership into Overeaters Anonymous.  I’m not sure why I’m not treating myself with my sugar-free whole grain cereals or the whole-wheat bread I always eat, but maybe I’m anticipating that I’ll miss the occasional treat more than I will all that “healthy” stuff I thought I was eating.

I broke the news to my mom in an email earlier this week.  I can sense the hesitation already.  She’ll be coming out to Utah from my home state of Florida in a couple of weeks, and she’s having to revisit all of her cooking and dining plans. Bad timing, I suppose, but I want to take advantage of the momentum while it’s fresh.  It will be a good test.  I’ve even found some restaurants in nearby Park City that are sensitive to the needs of the wheat-free.  Which I will be.  Soon.

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What’s funny is that even knowing I’m breaking up with wheat and eliminating added sugars in a couple of days, I still choose an ice cold cup of water over soda.  Some habits can’t be broken, so I’m grateful that I grew up in an ice-water household.

My wheat bender started with Chinese fast food on Thursday.  Orange chicken with an obvious wheat coating, Angus steak and veggies, and chow mein that left me craving stir-fried cabbage sans noodles (note to self: olive oil and cabbage could look mighty good in a couple of days).

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Last night, we picked up a couple of pizzas, one with a pile of nitrite-filled meats on top, the other, cheese.  Although the “Chinese food” left me feeling fairly crappy, I noticed that the pizza didn’t affect me much.  Not even after a second round, when I ate the leftovers for brunch this morning.  Some might say that’s because there’s not a darn thing wrong with wheat.  I say, I wonder just how addicted to wheat I am.

I’m beginning to get a little nervous about what lies in store for me next week.

My e-reader tells me I’m 26% through Wheat Belly, so I’ve got some catching up to do if I want to get through it by Monday.  Just in case, I’ve downloaded the “quick and dirty” notes from the wheat belly blog.  Come wheat or high water, I’ll be ready.

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It looks like we’re finally breaking up with wheat.  We’ve been thinking about it for years now, and it’s time.

I don’t remember exactly what prompted us to consider it…    A few family members with confirmed celiac disease?  Feeling like crap after eating almost any wheat-containing food?  And then I don’t remember why it took so long to finally give wheat the boot.  Although we haven’t really done it yet.  We’re breaking the news to it after our final Mother’s Day wheat bender.

I ordered Wheat Belly on my Kindle on Tuesday night, covertly devouring Dr. Davis’ anti-modern-wheat rhetoric while hundreds of dollars of wheat-based products sit unwittingly atop my refrigerator, chilling inside my refrigerator, lining the shelves of my pantry and cabinets…  This morning, I gave away the flour.

If the solution is really so “simple” and life-altering, I think it warrants documentation.  So I plan to chronicle my family’s wheat exorcism here.  We’ll share the good, bad, and ugly food choices we make, the solutions we come up with for our little one, as she enters the age of one’s first wheat barrage, and we’ll even try to work up our bravery and post some belly pictures.  We start Monday.

So, I’m sorry Wheat.  You know I love you.  But it’s not me, it’s you.